I’m getting ready for a huge step in my conversion process: telling my Aunt Ruth. She’s very dedicated to her faith and I’m afraid she’ll reject me when I tell her I’m converting (which my mother thinks is ridiculous.) I originally had intended to tell my aunt after the conversion process was done but I want her there at the ceremony.
But, not really. I finished the second Stepping Stones class last week and turned in my conversion interest form. Now I wait to hear from a rabbi. My excitement is almost too much to bear at times, but I know in my heart that I’m doing the right thing. After I speak with a rabbi, I go on to Choosing Judaism and finally the conversion ceremony. In the mean time, I’m participating at Temple in different activities and writing a lot more. Good things are ahead.
I wore it. It was a little daunting but I felt really good about wearing it. It also made me think about ways I could make my own kippot.
I crocheted my first kippah today while sick in bed. I’ve been toying with the idea of wearing one. I like the idea that it would make my everyday routines a bit more sacred and that it would remind me to act as God would want me to. I am sort of scared of how people will react, but it’s tugging so hard at my heart that I feel it’s only my next natural step towards a fully Jewish life.
Just one more night. As I was lighting the candles, a song popped into my head. I hadn’t thought of it since I was very young, but it seems appropriate, given the holiday. It’s called “This Little Light of Mine.” My own light has been flickering wildly the past decade or so, threatening to blow out at times, but I think it’s finally settled.
I discovered that I’ve been making a few mistakes during the lighting of the candles, but this is just my first Hanukkah. I have many more to come. At least there’s no danger of me falling asleep while the candles are still lit today. That’s this year’s big lesson: don’t light the candles when you are so tired.
It was a beautiful service. I realized that even though the year started out rocky, I’ve been so blessed. I have a lot to be thankful for, especially since everything in my life is pretty much under control (or in the process of getting there). I feel so much lighter and happier right now; that’s something I couldn’t say last year. Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, and Shabbat Shalom!